My First..all my first...

Hurmm...Actually I decided to write blog here is because of I'm lonely,I'm stressful,I don't really know what I'm doing right now...Too many assignments,all queueing up waiting for me..But,my brains is blank..It seems like nothing inside..

I really feel lonely here.. I start feeling lonely after I separated with my first ex-boyfriend.
Haizzz...Already 1 year+ we separated..But, I still feel him..I still care of him..Sometimes, when I feel lonely, I saw him online,BUT,I cant chat with him..I don't dare..*desperate*
Although I had my second ex-boyfriend, beginning we were happy..BUT, after few months, I realised that my feeling still with my first ex(even now)..

I had a very very very...super super super...farrrrrrrrrrrrrrr distance love with my 1st ex-boyfriend...We known each other from an online game(O2Jam)..after that we started sms-ing each others and always chatting in MSN.. Slowly..We got feeling with each others, we start had our 'Cyber love'(sound weird,but it's true).Few weeks later, I knew that he has to go to Australia to study.*Oh god...how can it just happen like that..* At first,my feeling is really worry and feel unfair...I found my true love but ends up he has to leave me so far...But, It's fine because for his future,I must always support him :) Before he leave Malaysia, he gift me a doll(dogie),and I gift him a wrist watch as well..

When he arrived Australia, I worry 1 thing too..that's his ex-girlfriend...:'( He told me that his ex-girlfriend go to Australia study as well...I totally speechless..But,I totally 100% trust him that he won't do anything behind of me because I trust him^^..He from Australia post a 60GB Apple Ipod for me,High School Musical original DVD,a 3G Samsung mobile phone...Really happy...not because of those expensive stuff..is because of it seems like he's right beside me..

After few months, we keep arguing because of some small matter..That's so hurt...really hurt..But,after few hours or 1 day,I'll fine..

I still remember that..26th March 2007, he sent me a phone text,written: Happy Birthday to my xiao ke ai(cutey),18 years already ,big girl already,don't always cry...I remember every word clearly..and on 29th March 2007, he sent me good night text as well..(so Sweet)...On 30th march 2007..a very very very bad day..we got a big ..Until 1st April,he doesn't care of me,he doesn't talk to me..never reply my text...That day was my 1st time learning driving...I cant concentrate driving...I keep thinking of him...after driving lesson, I hurry go back and try online talk to him..finally he text me..

me : what's wrong actually?

him: please leave me alone

me : what do u mean that leave you alone?

him: i need calm down,please leave me alone

me : OK..I'll leave u alone and calm down..when you re OK already text me OK?

him: no,I won't

me: why?????your is how long...

him: forever

*My tears keep coming out like fountain* *feel very very scare and nervous!!* I totally lost my direction!!! It seems the whole world's gone...I keep crying..none stop..

me :what do u mean now?*dare to ask*break up isn't it?
him:yes

I totally stop sms-ing him and Cry like hell there..
I cant sleep, I don't have appetite, I just like zombie field..

this feeling keep few months and even now especially when I'll lonely,bored and his everything will pop out from my brains..

But, on 22nd April 2007, I injured my knee..My uncle brought me to hospital and doctor said need to do operation...Once i heard i hugged my grand mum and said i don't want..I scare I will just die like that...I scare the people i cant see anymore is him,my family members and my best friend..

After out from operation room, I noticed that my leg covert with cement...and I ask nurse do me a favor,call my uncle,bring my mobile phone and the most important is the doll he gift to me..I hug the dogie in hospital all the time..I sms him and told him i got surgery,and he's the one accompany me by sms-ing..so,I didn't really get bored in hospital..

After discharged from hospital, he post me 10 boxes of Orel Biscuit..hmm...that's so sweet...
while I'm waiting for my leg recover,I learnt knitting and i knitted a scarf for him...^^BUT..Until now..still with me...he doesn't allow me post to him..:(

Now, we still keep in touch with each other, and I feel that not really bad be his friend..He's really nice really..Honestly to tell, now, I still love him and...I can't accept any guy..because my feeling still with him...Just wish that he's fine in Australia,and happy in Australia..Just hope he wont forget me only...he he^^

well well well....wow!! so long..isn't I'm telling rubbish?Yea,for you it might be..but for me...that's part of my ..I appreciate it a lot..really..

Once again..allow me to say:



I LOVE YOU, MENG


thanks for giving me so much fun with you although I don't know how you look like(not really important)..I appreciate you a lot^^

Wish all my friends can get a true love and wish you all good luck^^